Pitty Party!

On our way back from All Childrens today I stopped at baby-r-us to see if they had any cute onesies in 24 month size. I love the onesie cause it keeps his shirt down and he cant mess with his mic-key button. As im shopping this lady starts talking to Gabriel, and asks my opinion on a towel set she is buying for someone off there baby registry. Gabriel looks at her so shy, and smiles, he is in the infant seat of the shopping cart since he cant sit yet, and the lady was saying oh hes probably around her granddaughters age, but he looks bigger. I asked how old is her grandaughter, she said 4 months! 4 MONTHS im thinking, holey cow, how could this lady think hes 4 months! Well of course she asked how old, 17months I say, then she just seems a little shocked and didn't really say anything else about baby's and said well I think I found what im looking for, have a nice day.... I walk the store to the toys and bikes, this little girls, looks about Gabriel's size is running around checking out those cute comfy baby recliners that look like mini adult chairs. I was looking at the neat baby bike that looks almost exactly like the one we bought Gabriel for christmas, it has 5 point harness and all. But the one at the store had a nice cushiony fabric cover, I thought, wow maybe I could make this for his bike, I take the bike off the shelf to inspect it closer. I try to put Gabriel in it, it was so hard to get his chubby legs in the right area, and his floppy heavy body made it very difficult. The little girl wasnt really paying much attention to the chair anymore, she wanted the bike now. She was so cute, I asked her mom how old she is, she said  almost 12 months.... I don't know why all this is starting to bother me so much now, but it is!

When Gabriel was 6 months old and floppy and unable to sit, and under weight, and aspirating...I would always get "he'll grow out of it, he's a late bloomer". Now I don't get these comments anymore, its too apparent that this is not true. I accept him exactly how he is, I cant express how much I love him, I just wish people can see what I see in him, and I wish I didn't have to explain ten million times what is wrong with him, why I dont have a diagnosis, and then the person give me there well meaned two cents... I guess im getting exhausted..

I have to say I dont cry much, but I did cry today after I left babys-r-us..This is not the life I expected, this is not the life I planned, but im so fortunate Gabriel is my son, and he choose me to be his Mommy..